Friday, December 31, 2010

I Think I'll Take A Moment

Reflection isn't all bad.  You can look back & learn from the mistakes you made & appreciate the good.  Living in the past is not good.  I think I've been doing way too much of that.  On this last day of the year, I'm going to take a moment to look back, mourn some things & celebrate others.

2010 didn't start out all that bad.  It just went to hell in a hand basket pretty darn quick.  I went from being able to afford a really good lifestyle to having to sell anything & everything just to survive.  But we did...survive that is.  I've hated it, but we did it.  I loved my house in NJ.  We built it & while it wasn't my dream home, I picked everything finish out, every paint was my house.  I hated having to sell it...even more so when the people buying kept asking for extra stuff, like TV's (greedy people!!)  but in my naivete I thought we would buy a home similar if not better than the one we had.  It's the only thing that got me through the move, really.  Boy was I wrong.  Yes, we made some money selling our house, but there was no way we could buy another one right away.  So we are renting.  A house that is half the size of my old one.  A house I don't particularly like all that much.  I really miss our old house!!  I miss our old lifestyle, our friends, my car, not worrying about money all the time.  I miss being a well taken care of wife!!  I miss some of our friends, others I wonder if they really were our friends at all. I will miss the fact that my kids had been friends with the same kids since kindergarten & I knew them all.  These are the things I mourn, I guess.  

Now, in the interest of fairness, there are things I will not miss.   I won't miss how stressed out my husband was all the time, the mancations, the constant drinking parties at my house, the feeling of being left out all the time, the gambling, the feeling of having to be the best or the most & I won't miss being gossiped about!

We've had some good things happen too.  We now live close to family so now at least one set of grandparents are around & involved in the kids lives.  The kids love their schools and are doing great.  Especially my oldest who is blossoming socially.  We have joined a church that we all really like (including the kids) that we are becoming active in.  And through the church, we have made some really good friends.  Our marriage has become stronger through our whole ordeal.

Now that we are here, the final day of 2010, I have to say I'm glad this year is over.  I'm happy to say goodbye to that year.  We aren't going to a big party tonight or hang around a ton of people.  We are going to celebrate quietly, just us...the 5 of us & ring in the New Year as a family. We are going to make 2011 a wonderful year for us.  We are going to put our trust & faith in God.  Good things will happen.  I'm done looking back and am only going to look forward.  

See you next year xoxox


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