Spinning Wheels

So sad my Colts lost.  We had great seats, right behind the goal post.  Jevvaris James hooked us up!  I didn't think either team played all that well, but it was fun.  I would've had more fun is my hubby wasn't trashed before the game even started!  I'm not a drinker & frankly don't understand the appeal.  I hate the way he acts when he's that gone.  Thankfully, it doesn't happen all that often.

Now we are left in limbo.  No job yet, I didn't expect one this quickly, but it's so hard to wait.  I am so tired of living this way.  Does it make me a bad person that I'd like to go into Target & buy stuff without stressing out.  Or to buy something, like a video game, just because I want it?  I am trying so hard to not worry & believe that God will provide what we need, but I'm a natural born worrier.  It's so hard to stop. 

I woke up in such a bad mood this morning.  I'm feeling angry, but not sure who or what I'm angry at.  I'm so frustrated.  It's been 9 months of this crap.  I think I miss the feeling of security more than anything else.  The knowing that the bills are paid & things won't be turned off.  I think the things that bother me the most involve the kids.  That I can't afford for Jax to go to pre-school when he so desperately needs it...or that both kids need eye exams and they both probably need new glasses & we can't afford it.  I feel like such a failure when it comes to them.  

On the upside, I've been doing well on WW & with my workouts.  I got my 6 cardio workouts last week and 2 lifts.  And I lost 1.6 lbs.  It's a start.  Need to get 3 lifts in this week...that's my goal for the week.  Wish me luck!