Thursday, January 13, 2011

Keep On Keeping On

I'm not sleeping all that well these days. I hate that.  I'm one of those people who need 8+ hours a night or I can't function the next day!  I'm finding that I'm doing pretty well keeping the panic & worry at bay during the day.  My house is pretty darn clean these days Ignoring You  But nighttime is another story.  There doesn't seem to be a way to turn my brain off.  So I end up watching TV - so addicted to Strange Addictions, is that ironic or just sad? - or I read...a lot.  I re-read some of my favorite books, and curb the impulse to download new ones to my kindle.  I do that until I'm too exhausted to keep my eyes open a second longer.  Then I toss & turn all night long & wake up tired.  Ugly cycle I don't know how to stop.  I have a mantra that I've been repeating to myself.....Things Will Get Better

On another note I have this group of friends, well not friends exactly, I'm not really sure how to describe them.  Anyway, I'm finding myself to be less & less tolerant of them.  Maybe I was like them once upon a time, maybe that's why I'm feeling this way.  All I seem to hear is about what they buy, what they have, how much they have, how wonderful their lives are. Bitter, party on one??  Yea, maybe a bit.  Maybe more than a bit.  Was I like that?  Did I brag every time I got something new?  Did I flaunt my wealth?  Wealth really isn't the word I'm looking for, did I flaunt my well being, my good fortune?  I really don't think I did, well not a lot anyway.  I'm sure I did or it came off that way at times.  I am human after all.  I keep looking for lessons in this debacle, maybe that's one of them.  Life isn't about my Lululemon workout clothes or having a fitbit, like everyone else.  It isn't about what others have that I don't.  I need to get over my personal insecurities and learn to be happy for others happiness.  That's gonna take some work I think.

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