I'm not sleeping all that well these days. I hate that. I'm one of those people who need 8+ hours a night or I can't function the next day! I'm finding that I'm doing pretty well keeping the panic & worry at bay during the day. My house is pretty darn clean these days But nighttime is another story. There doesn't seem to be a way to turn my brain off. So I end up watching TV - so addicted to Strange Addictions, is that ironic or just sad? - or I read...a lot. I re-read some of my favorite books, and curb the impulse to download new ones to my kindle. I do that until I'm too exhausted to keep my eyes open a second longer. Then I toss & turn all night long & wake up tired. Ugly cycle I don't know how to stop. I have a mantra that I've been repeating to myself.....Things Will Get Better
On another note I have this group of friends, well not friends exactly, I'm not really sure how to describe them. Anyway, I'm finding myself to be less & less tolerant of them. Maybe I was like them once upon a time, maybe that's why I'm feeling this way. All I seem to hear is about what they buy, what they have, how much they have, how wonderful their lives are. Bitter, party on one?? Yea, maybe a bit. Maybe more than a bit. Was I like that? Did I brag every time I got something new? Did I flaunt my wealth? Wealth really isn't the word I'm looking for, did I flaunt my well being, my good fortune? I really don't think I did, well not a lot anyway. I'm sure I did or it came off that way at times. I am human after all. I keep looking for lessons in this debacle, maybe that's one of them. Life isn't about my Lululemon workout clothes or having a fitbit, like everyone else. It isn't about what others have that I don't. I need to get over my personal insecurities and learn to be happy for others happiness. That's gonna take some work I think.